Lord, I Am Not Worthy To Receive You...

While recently spending a day at the Abbey of the Genesee, home of the Trappist Monks (www.geneseeabbey.org), I picked up a copy of "On Living Simply" by John Chrysostom. Chrysostom was an outspoken opponent of the new found power and wealth held by bishops and clergy in 312 AD after Emperor Constantine made Christianity the official religion of his vast empire. Chrysostom urged the clergy to return to the practices of Christ's life and teachings, such as generosity and living simply. Literally meaning "golden-mouthed," Chrysostom delivered many sermons on the themes of economic and social justice. In my estimation, his sermons were an amazingly prophetic base for Catholic Social Teaching which arrived almost 1,500 years after him. The book contains upwards of 80 excerpts from some of his surviving sermons and they are just as relevant today as they were in his life. I would like to share a passage with you and then offer up some of my own thoughts on it.

"When we live according to the moral principles of our faith, those around us may respond in three possible ways. First, they may be so impressed by the example of our goodness, and so envious of the joy which it brings, that they want to join us and become like us. That is the response which we most earnestly desire. Second, they may be indifferent to us, because they are so bound up with their own selfish cares and concerns; although their eyes may perceive our way of life, their hearts are blind, so we are unable to stir them. Third, they may react against us, feeling threatened by our example and even angry with us; thus they will cling even more firmly to their material possessions and selfish ambitions, and slander us at every opportunity. Naturally, we dread this type of reaction, because we want to live in peace with our neighbors, regardless of their personal beliefs and values. But if no one reacts to us in this way, we must wonder whether we are truly fulfilling the commandments of Christ."

After my initial reading of this passage, I had thoughts of humility, pride, and self-righteousness running through my mind. I was not sure of their connection to the passage at face value, but I let these words simmer for a little while. After a time of contemplative reflection, it all started to make sense to me. I started to review parts of my life and especially my work in campus/pastoral ministry and I wanted to see how I fit into the three categories listed by Chrysostom. While I have specific thoughts on each of the three responses, one part of my lifestyle and ministry is woven into all of them. I have never been one to push my faith, religion, theology, spirituality, or morality on anyone. I am of course always willing to share or offer advice when asked for it, but you will never see me holding signs or shaking Bibles at people outside of a Bills' game. You all know the people I'm talking about - The doomsdayers who offer up thoughts of "repent now! the end is near" or other scare-tactic theologies as I like to call them - the shock value approach that they hope will inspire people to stop and be saved. That just isn't my style at all. I like to keep it much more low-key and let my friends or even complete strangers seek me out. Encounters with strangers actually happen far more often than you might think as I am inundated with questions or concerns as soon as people find out what I do. I also never to profess to have all of the answers. I have firm beliefs and ideas on many things, but I feel it is out of my league to know 100% of what God thinks on certain subjects. I always wondered how televangelists like Benny Hinn could have the market cornered on God's innermost thoughts and proclamations. How can he be so sure that he has the accurate take on something? Does he have a direct line to God similar to that of the Bat Phone? That would be cool. But I don't have that luxury, that direct line to God. So I remain rather reserved and humble in my thoughts and statements toward others. That is why I titled this blog The Curbside Prophet. It is my way of letting people know that I will willingly meet them in any situation they are in. For better or worse, I will always be there for you, even if it means going into the gutter. Like all of humanity, many people have times of trouble or doubt and they need someone to be there to help guide them. I want to be that guy. I will simply live my life and go wherever God takes me. It reminds me of a time during my Junior year at Canisius College. One of my roommates girlfriends was asking me questions about religion and the Bible and she eventually got to this one: "Bill, doesn't your religion tell you to go out and preach the words in the Bible to people?" I answered affirmatively, but I told her that I do it by my actions and how I live my life. It is just like the old saying, "actions speak louder than words." I truly believe that if I lead a good life and set a good example for others, they will believe that far more than any spoken word coming from my mouth. How many times have you seen a super devout Christian quoting Scripture and preaching in the church but acting like a total jerk on Monday? People are always watching us, waiting for us to trip up so they can lob hypocrite grenades at us as if they get some perverse pleasure out of showing our flaws. I know I use it all the time, but it is more appropriate now than ever. My favorite quote is by Brennan Manning: "The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

So back to the first response: people are impressed by our goodness and envious of our joy, so they want to join us. Sounds good and all but I personally struggle with a few of Chrysostom's words, goodness and envious. Goodness itself is a word that is hard to define. It is not always black and white, easy to distinguish between good and bad. Depending on where you are from or the culture you are raised in, you have different ideas of what is good or bad. But let's stick to goodness in terms of someone's life - my life. Do I like to think I lead a good life? Of course I do. But I try and avoid language of good or bad when speaking of my life in comparison to others. I never want someone to think I am judging them or even worse, have them get the impression that I think I am better than they are. That is not my call, not my decision. I also have trouble with his use of envious in this first response. I struggle with it because I don't want people to be envious or jealous of me (I'm not saying anyone is, I'm merely speaking in generalities) or my life. Chrysostom almost speaks of envy in a positive light and I don't see it that way. I want people to be happy in their own skin and in their own life.

The third response offered by Chrysostom is rather extreme and I'm not sure if I have ever encountered it before. It seems to me that those reactions and responses may be directed at a self-righteous person who is loud and obnoxious in their personal profession of faith; possibly someone who helps others just to be seen and lauded for their "charity." This makes me think of the Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14). "He then addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else. “Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, ‘O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity – greedy, dishonest, adulterous – or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.’ But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, ‘O God, be merciful to me a sinner.’ I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” I must admit, if I heard someone talking about how great and holy they were like the Pharisee was, I would be completely turned off. Now I can see how people would respond like Chrysostom was talking about. Think about how the Pharisee acted for a moment. His entire prayer is about himself. He thanks God – not for blessings – but that he isn’t a sinner like others. He also reminds God of how pious he is (fasting and tithing). The Pharisee thought that all he needed to do to gain God’s favor was to keep all the rules. He didn’t think about the possibility that God might want him to come with an attitude of unworthiness and need. I hope and pray I can continue with the spirit of the tax collector. Notice the tax collector’s posture. He is standing at a distance, feeling unworthy to draw close to God or the temple. He does not raise his eyes to heaven, but stands with his head bowed, as a sign of his sense of guilt. His prayer is remarkable and short. Instead of telling God all the good things about himself, he describes himself as a sinner. He makes no excuses for the behavior, and asks for mercy. The tax collector makes a great contrast in his attitude to himself and to God. He is well aware of his shortcomings and does not imagine that he could possibly be acceptable to God. But that does not stop him from asking for forgiveness. This showed a much better understanding than the Pharisee of what God is really like. The tax collector knows that no matter how bad we are and what we have done, God is still wanting us and willing to forgive us, if we are able to accept the forgiveness.

Being better than others is not what matters most to God. The prayer of the tax collector is very similar to the prayer of the Mass, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.”